XXXSexyllamas
by pandaneedshug
Summary: Everyone has secrets, and so does Dan. But how long can he keep them from his friends, and what will he do if they find out? A true unrequited love story. A slightly realistic story where Dan is gay, but Phil isn't. Fresh with Long-lost cousins, Adrian-love, Crazed stalkers, and more! Funny Bonus OVA short at end of every chapter.


Title: A true love story.

Summary: Everyone has secrets, and so does Dan. But how long can he keep them from his friends, and what will he do if they find out? A true unrequited love story. A slightly realistic story where Dan is gay, but Phil isn't.

Disclaimer: Im pretty sure Dan and Phil haven't copyrighted themselves, but if they have, I sadly proclaim I don't own them. Pooh. Just imagine what you could do if you owned Phil and Dan.

Beta'd by: My sister. If anyone else wants to help, just ask.

Authors Note: Hey Hey, apandaneedshug here. Yes, im a dude. Im a dedicated danasaur and Phillion, and this story is meant to be realistic. If there's any ideas you have PLEASE share. Any idea's you provide help make this story better and better. All idea's will be credited to in the disclaimer. There will be an OVA at the end of the story, so make sure to read that. I dislike long authors notes, so here's the story:

Bla = Normal POV

( Bla ) = Asides. (Thoughts Inside of thoughts.)

_Bla = Non pov omniscient perspective_

* Bla * = Important/Non-story Interjection

* Dan's Pov *

I had been waiting for the elevator for 10 minutes. Pushed the button fifty billion times, asked the receptionist at the front desk 6 times, and I still wasn't ready to give up. Next to me where three suitcases, all three of them normal, except the middle one that was colored like an American flag (Bought to house my souvenirs of course). Of course, each of them weighed about 60 pounds, and I lived on the 19th floor. I tried calling Phil twice already, but he didn't answer either time. Maybe he's shooting a video, or in the shower? Let me explain. Apparently my Mother's mother (wouldn't that be my grandmother?) abandoned my mother at the age of 5, and moved to America where she commenced having another child, and then died when that child was five. That child, my half-aunt(Is that a word? I think it is) grew up oblivious to each other. Until a month ago. My mother, utilizing a decades worth of craziness and paranoia managed to track her sister down with nothing but the name of their shared mother. She spent a week with them, before insisting that I come visit them, and she bought me a ticket to Florida (Where my Aunt lived). My flight was delayed, I arrived two days late, my mother and my aunt(plus my cousin) decide to then fly to England together the HOUR after my plane took off, and I had to fly to Florida, just to fly immediately back home. Of course I had to wait 3 days for another flight, and it was in the Miami airport, when I had arrived in the Jacksonville one. Apparently Taxi's didn't exist in Florida, so I had to spend all my money renting a car, spent a whole day driving to the other side of Hell, then had to hole up in Miami for 2 days. My only options where run down inns populated with sex crazed drug addicts, or overpriced hotels. My credit card didn't work, and I had already spent most of my cash on the car rental and the ticket home, and I barely had enough money to pay for my food. Luckily, or unluckily I should say, some danasaurs where renting a hotel, saw me, and after I explained everything, begged me to stay with them. Problem was that it was a two bedroom room, with three girls and me. -_-. Needless to say, I was not happy.

* Phil's Pov*

My phone was ringing. It was on the otherside of the room, and I couldn't be bothered to pick it up. I had Kim possible as my ringtone, and I realized that it had to be the most fucking annoying ringtone invented. Definitly needed to change that. Something else was wrong. I was lying in my bed, but it felt off. Erg. I pulled myself up, and looked around my room.

Oh. My Alarm clock had little red letters displaying 3:00 pm. I slept through the entire morning? Why hadn't Dan woken me up? I groggily grabbed a shirt from the floor and walked across the hall to the bathroom. Something was definitely off, there was junk lying everywhere. Usually Dan kept the bathroom clean, why were there two towels and four days of clothes sitting on the floor? I turned the shower on when it finally hit me that Dan had been gone for a week. Something to do with his crazy mother and long-lost cousin. My shampoo of the week smelled like blueberries. Ever since I had gotten the strawberry shampoo delivered I had been alternating between different fruit's every bottle.

I always liked blueberries, because I once had a dog name blueberry. When we first brought it home, we named it Destiny, but my Dad accidently spilled blue paint on it, and even after washing it out, it remained a little blue for a few months. We started calling it blueberry and the name stuck. I got out of the shower, grabbed one of the clean-looking towels from the floor, and dried off. After donning my clothes(which I got from the floor), I come out to see Dan pulling three suitcases into his room. "Hi Dan, when did you get back?"

He turns around and smiles, and then quickly he starts Glaring. "What?"

* Dan's POV *

"Hi Dan, when did you get back?"

Phil's familiar accent is a relief after 2 days of eccentric girl's spewing American garble, and I turn around to answer, but then I pause.

DAMN Phil looks cute in shorts. Garr, shouldn't think that.  
I send him a glare, to which he responds "what?"

"What do you think? Ive been calling you for twenty minutes for help, im fucking tired after being gone for half a week, each of my suitcases decided to grow a tumor weighing 50 lbs, and the elevator is FUCKING BROKE."

Phil frowns, and I immediately feel a pang of guilt. "Sorry, I shouldn't take my frustrations out on you, I've just had a bad week. If its anyones fault, its my mum's."

"It's ok, I should've been awake to answer the phone anyway".

Nyan nyan Nyan Nyan, I grabbed my phone, which was burbling out the Nyan cat music. It was my mother. "give me a second", I say to phil, before swipping the unlock, and pulling my iphone to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hey Dan, its your mom. Are you back at your apartment yet?"

"It's a suite, not an apartment, and yes I just got up the stairs."

"Oh that's great! Me, Karen, Adrian, Karen and Jay are on the way right now!"

"Wait, why? I thought I was gonna come over to the house to meet them"

"Oh noes, were going to visit you, it's been so long, tell Phil we're coming. Btw, I was hoping Jay could stay with you guys for a the weekend while I take your Aunt for a tour of Britain."

My horror grows. A teenager? Staying at my house?

"NO NO NO NO NO, MUM! He can't stay!"

"Why not?" My mother always askes that question, as though I have to provide a reason for every self-explanatory situation. I certainly wasn't going to tell her my real reason.

"Because. We don't even have a guest bedroom! Plus it would just be horrible, I have nothing planned, and I don't get along with kids his age. Also, I need privacy, I'm a YouTube star remember? I can't have random kids staying with me."

"Oh push-posh, hes almost your age! He's already 19 and he can sleep on the couch! And please, I highly doubt he even knows who you are. He's staying, and that's final. I have to go honey, I need to watch Adrian drive, and were gonna be there in an hour. Bai now". She hangs up before I can even respond.

Fuck.

Phil's still standing there, with this adorable confused look on his face. "Is someone coming over?"

I look around the house, and could tell Phil had decided not to clean anything in my absence. Usually he expects me to clean everything, while he's in charge of cooking. I don't mind the cleaning, as it's kind of a turn on, but I really liked to cook. Phil seemed to think I had no cooking talent, even going as far to say "Even with a Delia Smith cookbook, you still ruin everything". No one can ruin Delia. But Phil was good at cooking, so that wasn't that bad.

"Yes, my mum, aunt, brother, and cousin are gonna be here in an hour."

Phil smiles, oblivious to my horror of letting my family see the messy house. "Your new cousin right?"

"He's not a new cousin, I only just learned about him that's all. Now stop smiling like a llama and start cleaning. My mum can't see the house like this."

Authors Note(OVA BELOW):

Next chapter will take a small backtrack, and discuss Dan's cousin's first 2 days staying at Dan's mum's house. We'll get to see Dan's crazy mum (I don't think she's crazy, but for the stories sake, she can be), as well as some Adrian action. Don't worry; my OC's will only be here for part of the story before leaving. If you have any suggestions or questions please ask in a review or PM. My gmail is jrl2ds if you want to ask through Email. Yes I'm a dude. Yes I am gay.

OVA

Phil knew something was up the moment he started hearing llama call's coming from Dan's room. He slowly creeps over, picking up his Camera and flipping it on, just in case.

His door doesn't creak as he opens it, and Dan's door is shut. The llama noise gets louder, and he can hear Dan moaning. Is Dan ok? Those sound likes moans of pain. Dan Screams, and phil immediately pushed the door open.

There, sitting on Dan's bed, was Dan, and on the computer screen was . To make it worse, Dan was masturbating, and the llama's on screen were having sex.

Phil quickly drops the camera, before jumping on top of Dan, and started kissing him. Dan replies in kinda, and the two of them start making out, grinding against each other. Phil tries slipping his clothes off, but Dan's legs are wrapped around his torso, and he cant get his pants off. The llama porn continues, and Phil can see Dan looking at it in, even while kissing him. Phil pushes Dan off, and says

"Do you even love me? Or do you just use me when you'd rather have him!" Phil points at the llama.

Dan: "Of course not honey, I love you far more then the llama's"

"Then why do you look at him while kissing me. Why were your eyes open, why were they open?"

-_-.

Sorry, I had to do it.


End file.
